In 1998, psychologists Daniel Simons and Daniel Levin conducted a fascinating experiment now known as The Door Study. A stranger approached someone to ask for directions. Mid-conversation, two people carrying a large door walked between them, momentarily obstructing the view. Behind the door, the original questioner quietly swapped places with someone entirely different. Remarkably, many participants didn’t notice the change at all. A completely new person stood in front of them, and they kept talking as if nothing had happened.
View it here
It’s a striking reminder of just how much we can miss—even when someone is standing right in front of us.
The Things (and People) We Overlook
This study always makes me pause. If we can fail to notice a person switching right before our eyes, what else might we be missing?
As a teacher and now as someone transitioning into retirement, I’ve become increasingly aware of how limited our attention can be when we’re rushing, distracted, or stuck in our own heads. We pass students in the hall or loved ones at the dinner table, or waiters at our table, and though we make eye contact, we don’t really see them. We respond out of habit, not out of connection.
The other day, my wife and I were out to dinner with a group of friends. Our waiter was outstanding. When we finished, I stopped and asked to see the manager, and she approached with trepidation, because I assume she expected a complaint. When I told her how good the waiter was, she had a huge smile, called the waiter over, and told him what I had told her. It had an obvious impact on him. His hand on his heart, and a huge smile on his face. It was obvious that my compliment had a big impact on him. I’ve done this a number of times in the past and always have the same reaction. It shows me that noticing a person and providing encouragement to that person, sometimes makes their day.
That experiment with the door, and the gorilla study, isn’t just about visual attention—it’s about presence. And maybe the deeper message is this: real encouragement, the kind that lifts and heals, begins with noticing.
Encouragement Starts with Seeing
Scripture invites us into this kind of attentiveness. In 1 Thessalonians 5:11, Paul writes:
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” Paul was complimenting the Thessalonian community on their presence with each other, and their support for each other.
To encourage someone isn’t simply to cheer them on from a distance. It’s to look closely, to listen, and to recognize what they might not even see in themselves. Encouragement requires attention—heartfelt, focused, genuine attention.
And in a world full of “doors” constantly passing in front of us—distractions, deadlines, devices—it takes intention to slow down and really see another person.
From Teaching to Tending
In the earlier years of my teaching career, I was focused on the delivery—on covering content, managing time, keeping pace. It was easy to get caught in the current of tasks, as they were often overwhelming. But with time, my perspective shifted. I began to see that the most lasting impact often came not through the syllabus, but through simple moments of connection: a well-timed word of encouragement, noticing when a student was unusually quiet, celebrating a small win.
And now, outside the classroom, I find myself reflecting on how easy it is—even with the best intentions—to miss the emotional and spiritual presence of those around us. And just as easily, we can go unseen ourselves.
The Sacredness of Attention
There’s something deeply spiritual about being seen. Really seen. And there’s something sacred about offering that kind of attention to someone else. It says: You matter. I see you. You are not alone.
Inattentional blindness, as the door study and gorilla study show, isn’t a flaw of character—it’s part of how our brains manage complexity and information overload. But we’re not bound to it. With intention, we can slow down, look up, and begin to notice the people, the pain, the joy, and the sacred beauty we might otherwise overlook.
Encouragement doesn’t require a grand gesture. Sometimes, the most powerful act of building someone up is pausing long enough to really see them.
So, take a moment and reflect –
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- Who in your life might need to be seen right now—not just acknowledged, but noticed?
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- What distractions (doors) might be getting in the way of deeper connection?
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- How can you build someone up this week—quietly, sincerely, and with presence?
